wandering tangents and whispering symphonies

Study Study Study
and yet - the same shitty grade.
am i not motivated enough?
lol.

it's freeeeeezing. i can feel my lungs shivering from the cold.

i've realized how music can be so awesome. i've been spending this week just listening to everything in my itunes library and it's somewhat emotional in the sense that i'm reminded of good times, who gave me the song and why, and the lyrics itself just make me feel the emotions in them. i'll listen to a song if it sounds good - but the lyrics definitely have to be on par also. omg. i've started a list of all these bands and singers that i must get more songs of. i'll need like a billion dollars. i'm so broke that i need a job pronto! *fingers crossed!

next week is finals! OMG summer went by so fast.
and i think another cousin of mine (little brother of the one already here) will be moving to the states sometime in september. i remember the days when it was just me and my parents (and my uncle)! it'll be nice to have him around i guess because i've never grown up with a big extended family (even though mine is huge in Thailand). i've never had those big birthday parties for my grandaunt, huge family dinners, family weddings, celebrating traditional holidays. and another note on traditional holidays is that sometimes i feel like the hugest minority. my family is ethnically chinese (they immigrated to Thailand like people do to the US) - and people don't seem to understand that. They speak a dialect that is like backwoods mainland China and I can't even explain the holidays and such to people because I don't really understand them myself. It makes me feel 1) I shouldn't have to explain my heritage to people 2) there's a big huge history to my family that i may have lost in living this American life and 3) I may never understand that history because it hasn't influenced my life that much - I know more about Christmas and Passover than the holiday next week that I only know because they make awesome desserts. Wasn't that a long tangent?

okay. time to studyyyy.....
i absolutely cannot bomb the final!